It seems like a lot of drinking quotes work best when followed with “ba dump bump”….

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?
-Henny Youngman

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”
-Henny Youngman

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-Dean Martin

Water? Never touch the stuff. Fish f** in it, you know.
-W. C. Fields.