The admin’s birthday is next Saturday, so this week’s quotes are devoted to birthdays. We thought we’d start with some funny ones.

The rimshot collection:

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
- Sam Ewing

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
- Father Larry Lorenzoni

Growing old is compulsory; growing up is optional.
- Bob Monkhouse

The modern collection:

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
- Stephen Wright

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.’
- Sam Levenson

In dispute:

This one is more often attributed to Twain, but even if he said it first, I think the way Satchel Paige said it has a nicer ring to it:

Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.
- Satchel Paige

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
- Mark Twain