Erma Bombeck is probably one of the most neglected humorists of the twentieth century. If she hadn’t been a mom, she probably would have been a major standup comic, and her insights on consumerism were often way ahead of similar shticks by comics like George Carlin…

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
- Erma Bombeck

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
- Erma Bombeck

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.
- Erma Bombeck

God created man, but I could do better.
- Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
- Erma Bombeck

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.
- Erma Bombeck

In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
- Erma Bombeck

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
- Erma Bombeck

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- Erma Bombeck