I got the bill for my surgery.  Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
- James H. Boren

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
- Anton Chekhov

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
- Walter Matthau

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
- Henny Youngman