A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
- Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Groucho Marx

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
- Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Groucho Marx

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
- Groucho Marx

Women should be obscene and not heard.
- Groucho Marx