We’re devoting this week’s quotes to definitions from The Devil’s Dictionary. Learn more here.

Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
- Ambrose Bierce

Consult, v. To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.
- Ambrose Bierce

Convent, n. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
- Ambrose Bierce

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
- Ambrose Bierce

Decide, v. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.
- Ambrose Bierce

Discriminate, v. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.
- Ambrose Bierce