If you’ve visited in the last few months, you know we’ve been excerpting the Devil’s Dictionary. Finally, we’ve reached the end. So why have we been doing this? We decided it was time for a re-think of Ambrose Bierce’s seminal piece of cynical humor, so we’re doing an abridged and contemporized version in book form in march. Stay tuned.

WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace.

WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread.

WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

X – in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.

YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See DAMNYANK.)

YEAR, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man’s burden.