We typed these really slowly because we know what a slow reader you are.
M*A*S*H was probably one of the best-written shows ever produced for television. Here are just a few of the hundreds of great one-liners from the show:
The way I see it, the army owes us so many coffee breaks, we should get 1954 off.
- Hawkeye on M*A*S*H
Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.
- Frank on M*A*S*H
As usual, I’m writing slowly because I know you can’t read fast.
- Radar on M*A*S*H
Never insult seven men when all you have is a six shooter.
- Colonel Potter on M*A*S*H
Probably one of the most memorable characterizations from the show were
Colonel Potter’s Exclamations:
Horse hockey!
Road apples!
Great balls of fire!
Mule muffins!
Busload of bushwah!
Hell bells!
Crock of beans!
Mule fritters!
Monkey muffins!
Buffalo bagels!
Buffalo chips!
Hot mustard!
Hot sausage!
Pigeon pellets!
Pony pucks!
Beaver biscuits!
Cow cookies!
Bull cookies!
Pig feathers!
Jumpin’ jompers!
Suffern’ saddlesoap!
Sufferin’ sheepdip!
Great Caesar’s Ghost…
Great Mother McCree…
Where in the name of Carrie’s Corset…
What in the name on beelzebub…
What in the name of Sweet Fanny Adams…
What in the name of Marco Blessed Polo…
What in the name of Samuel Hill…
What in the name of Great Caesar’s Salad…
What in the name of George Armstrong Custer…
Posted By:Admin July 14, 2011
We left out the potty mouth for these Sex and the City quotes.
I don’t think she’s a lesbian. I think she just ran out of men.
- Sex and the City
I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck.
- Sex and the City
My Zen teacher also said: the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. Of course, he died penniless and single.
- Sex and the City
Men who are too good looking are never good in bed because they never had to be.
- Sex and the City
Posted By:Admin July 13, 2011
Quotes about something, from the show about nothing.
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
- Seinfield
I was the best man at the wedding. If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
- Seinfield
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Seinfield
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
- Seinfield
Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
- Seinfield
(We didn’t actually verify that these were all from the show, so feel free to correct us in the comments.)
Posted By:Admin July 12, 2011
This week’s quotes are devoted to TV shows. This one’s for you, Liz Lemon.
Live every week like it’s Shark Week.
- Tracy Jordan of 30 Rock
Dress every day like you’re going to get murdered in those clothes.
- Tracy Jordan of 30 Rock
What is this, Horseville? Because I’m surrounded by naysayers.
- Tracy Jordan of 30 Rock
You want to make God laugh? Make a plan. Or read him a Dave Barry book.
- Tracy Jordan of 30 Rock
It’s like a black Barbie doll in Arizona: Nobody’s buying it.
- Tracy Jordan of 30 Rock
If I have a strawberry, my throat closes up faster than a girl in math class.
- Kenneth
Lovers. That word bums me out unless its between the words “Meat” and “Pizza”
- Liz Lemon of 30 Rock
Posted By:Admin July 11, 2011
The fact that the admin’s birthday is tomorrow gave birth to a whole week of birthday facts and quotes.
I bet that on your birthday, you feel kind of special. Well, give it up:
Each day there are approximately 380,000 babies born worldwide.
That means…
There are 4 babies born each second of every day.
Meaning …
10-12 babies were born while you read these words
Don’t be a big baby…
I’ve personally always been very kind to my mom; I was 24 inches long and weighed 11lbs 4oz at birth. I figure I owe her one. But how big was the biggest baby ever?
The heaviest baby ever to be born AND survive weighed 22 pounds, 8 ounces, and was born in Italy in 1955
The jury’s still out on whether I’ve “survived”.
A few more birth and birthday facts:
The rights to the song “Happy Birthday” are owned by Warner Communications
2 billion Birthday Cards are sent each year in the U.S.
The oldest woman to give birth was 63 years old at the time of her successful delivery in 1997
Posted By:Admin July 8, 2011
For many people, that’s an oxymoron.
We’ve devoted much of the week to the humor and deceit attached to birthdays, so here a few thoughtful quotes about birthdays:
Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same.
- Audrey Hepburn
The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.
- Seneca
Posted By:Admin July 7, 2011
Three concepts that rarely are in harmony.
In honor of the admin’s birthday this weekend, this week’s quotes are devoted to birthdays.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
- Ogden Nash
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost
Posted By:Admin July 6, 2011
From Bald-faced Lies To Well-Intentioned Denial
This week’s quotes are are devoted to birthdays, in honor of the site’s admin.
One consistent theme when discussing birthdays is unmitigated deception…
Lying about your age is one approach:
The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a a hundred times, I’m forty-four years old.
- Satchel Paige
But there’s also the “go ahead and kid yourself” approach:
And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln
The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
- British Proverb
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
- Maurice Chevalier
Posted By:Admin July 5, 2011
Some of these gags are so old they got whiskers on ‘em.
The admin’s birthday is next Saturday, so this week’s quotes are devoted to birthdays. We thought we’d start with some funny ones.
The rimshot collection:
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
- Sam Ewing
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
- Father Larry Lorenzoni
Growing old is compulsory; growing up is optional.
- Bob Monkhouse
The modern collection:
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
- Stephen Wright
It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.’
- Sam Levenson
In dispute:
This one is more often attributed to Twain, but even if he said it first, I think the way Satchel Paige said it has a nicer ring to it:
Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.
- Satchel Paige
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
- Mark Twain
Posted By:Admin July 4, 2011
Some amusing facts for the 4th of July.
Apparently freedom comes at a price. And that price is a few hundred million dollars, a heart condition, and a trade deficit.
On July 4th weekend, Americans typically consume about 150 million hot dogs.
Americans spend about $190 million on hamburger patties each July 4th.
On July 4, Americans spend over $340 million on beer, more than they spend on burgers and hot dogs combined.
Americans spend nearly $2 billion on Independence Day cookouts.
Approximately $350 million dollars is spent nationwide for 4th of July fireworks celebrations.
America imports over $3 million worth of American flags annually. Of these, $2.8 million worth are made in China.
Posted By:Admin July 1, 2011
