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Thirstday Quotes – The Graduate Edition

A thirst for knowledge isn’t the same thing as a desire to get a degree.

We’re running out of “thirstday” puns. These quotes about education are dedicated to all the proud graduates of May and June….

Education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.
-William Lowe Bryan (10th president of Indiana University)

We are shut up in schools and college recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bellyful of words and do not know a thing.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad.
-Theodore Roosevelt

Education is one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought.
-Bertrand Russell

Education is a process which makes one rogue cleverer than another.
-Oscar Wilde

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes.
-Norman Douglas

Posted By:Admin May 19, 2011

More Midweek Motivational Quotes

If you worked as much as I do, this whole Wednesday thing wouldn’t be such a big deal.

In the coming Dickensian renaissance, with 7 day work weeks of 14 hour days, the whole Wednesday as “hump day” thing  just won’t be the same. Let’s enjoy it while we can.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
-Robert Frost

Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.
-Howard Aiken

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.
-C. Northcote Parkinson

If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
-Vince Lombardi

Posted By:Admin May 18, 2011

Indigenous Wisdom

In case you’re tired of what rich white guys said.

If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice that most of what educated westerners are famous for saying is copped pretty directly from folk wisdom or the sayings of native peoples. Here are some Native American quotes and proverbs. Some of dubious origin, just for fun.

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.
-Native American Proverb

Lose your temper and you lose a friend; lie and you lose yourself.
-Hopi Proverb

This one actually sounds more like it might be from a Bruce Lee movie:

It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand.
-Native American Proverb

But these are painfully on the mark:

They made us many promises, more than I can remember, but they kept only one; they promised to take our land, and they did.
-Red Cloud

Brother, you say there is but one way to worship and serve the Great Spirit. If there is but one religion, why do you white people differ so much about it? Why not all agreed, as you can all read the Book?
-Sogoyewapha

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.
-Chief Seattle

This one is often found in collections of quotations, but is probably in fact part of an old joke:

When the white man discovered this country Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, women did all the work.  White man thought he could improve on a system like this.
-Cherokee Saying  (?)

And this story is so hilarious you WANT to believe it...

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project,they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated, “What are these guys in the big suits doing?”

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused.

So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, “Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land.”

Posted By:Admin May 17, 2011

Maori Monday Motivational Quotes

Even indigenous peoples need motivators once in a while.

I’ve always said that if I ever get a tattoo, it will be because I passed some Maori ritual. The Maori are an intense people. It’s not surprising that they have some  great motivational proverbs:

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
- Maori proverb

Aim for the highest cloud so that if you miss it, you will hit a lofty mountain.
- Maori proverb

Posted By:Admin May 16, 2011

Black Friday Facts

Facts for Friday the 13th

The answer to last week’s question is below, but first some facts about Friday the thirteenth:

Fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia

Fear of the number thirteen is called triskaidekaphobia

In France, the triskaidekaphobic can hire a “quatorzieme”, or professional 14th guest.

Mark Twain once was the 13th guest at a dinner party. A friend warned him not to go. “It was bad luck,” Twain later told the friend. “They only had food for 12.”

Apollo 13 launched at 13:13 CST on April 11, 1970. The sum of the date’s digits (4,11,70) is 13. The explosion that crippled the spacecraft occurred on April 13.

And now, the answer to the question “What do telephones and grocery checkouts have in common?” (more…)

Posted By:Admin May 13, 2011

Quotes About Marriage

In case you’re entertaining foolish notions of this sort.

Whenever someone asks me why I’m not married, I walk them over to my refrigerator, where I have these quotes attached to the side:

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
-H.L. Mencken

Vesper Lynd: Am I going to have a problem with you, Mr. Bond?
James Bond: No, don’t worry, you’re not my type.
Vesper Lynd: Smart?
James Bond: Single.

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.
-Oscar Wilde

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-Oscar Wilde

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.”
H.L. Mencken

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
-Albert Einstein

To marry a woman who you love and who loves you is to lay a wager with her as to who will stop loving the other first.
-Albert Camus

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
-H.L. Mencken

In marriage, it is declared, one is still possessed of reason. The seizure of passionate love can be, in such a context, only illicit, breaking in upon the order of one’s dutiful life in virtue as a devastating storm.
-Joseph Campbell

Posted By:Admin May 12, 2011

Words To The Wise

Not that they’ll listen or anything.

Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.
-Benjamin Franklin

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
-Bill Cosby

Posted By:Admin May 11, 2011

Quotes On Morality

The mix and match variety.

I’ve often said that I’m not evil, I’m just “differently principled”. Apparently I’m not alone in my malleable sense of morality:

The most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
-W. Somerset Maugham

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed.  Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around.
-Robert Brault

I’m a vegetarian. I’m not strict; I eat fish, and duck. Well, they’re nearly fish, aren’t they? They’re semi-submerged a lot of the time, they spend a lot of time in the water, they’re virtually fish, really. And pigs, cows, sheep, anything that lives near water, I’m not strict. I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
-Bill Bailey

Posted By:Admin May 10, 2011

Monday Motivational Quote

A quickie for Monday morning.

Never be afraid to try something new.  Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic.
-Author Unknown

Posted By:Admin May 9, 2011

Factastical Friday – Rather Random Amusing Facts

And a riddle for next week.

This week’s facts are brought to you by Hal. No, not the supercomputer in the movie 2001, the Hal that’s one of the forces behind Amusing Enterprises.

But first, a riddle for next week:

What do telephones and grocery checkouts have in common?

And now – as Joe Friday always said – “Just the fact’s ma’am”:

If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.

Astronauts can’t belch – there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.

Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off!

Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

The numeric value zero cannot be represented by Roman numerals

In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed

Warner Communications paid $25 million for the copyright to the song Happy  Birthday.

Posted By:Admin May 6, 2011

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