I don’t know what you could say about a day in which you have seen four beautiful sunsets.
- John Glenn

Please, dear God, don’t let me fuck up.
- Alan B. Shepard

I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine.
- Neil Armstrong

Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job.
- James A. Lovell

Reach for the stars.
- Christa McAuliffe

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we’d all be millionaires.
- Abigail Van Buren

If you want a place in the sun, you’ve got to put up with a few blisters.
- Abigail Van Buren

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
- Abigail Van Buren

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
- Abigail Van Buren

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who walk into a room and say, “There you are” and those who say, “Here I am”
- Abigail Van Buren

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.
- Abigail Van Buren

Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
- Saint Francis of Assisi

Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.
-St. Augustine

If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world ablaze!”
- St. Catherine of Sienna

Which begs the question: do scare quotes warrant “scare quotes”? In any case, we couldn’t find any decent Halloween quotes, so we decided to round up some quotes that were just plain scary. And politicians tend to say the scariest things, so here you go:

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
- Dan Quayle

He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.
- Sarah Palin

But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.
- Sarah Palin

If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate.
- Marion Barry

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, “Thank God, I’m still alive”. But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
- Barbara Boxer

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
- George W Bush

There was never any doubt in our minds that men and women were equal, if not more so.
- Al Gore

Consumers will spend over $2.5 Billion during Halloween in 2011.

It is estimated that American consumers in 2010 spent $66.28 per person on Halloween.

An estimated 41 million children ages 5 to 14 went trick-or-treating in 2010.

Americans will spend around $310 million to dress up their pets for Halloween in 2011.

Bobbing for apples probably originated with the Roman harvest festival honoring Pomona, the goddess of fruitful abundance.

This wraps up this week’s highlights from The Devil’s Dictionary

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

NOMINEE, n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

NONSENSE, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

NOVEL, n. A short story padded. A species of composition bearing the same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art.

MACHINATION, n. The method employed by one’s opponents in baffling one’s open and honorable efforts to do the right thing.

MALE, n. A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

MARTYR, n. One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

MAUSOLEUM, n. The final and funniest folly of the rich.

MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.

MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.

We’re continuing our highlights from The Devil’s Dictionary this week.

KILL, v.t. To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a “crowned head,” although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.

LABOR, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another’s treasure.

LAWFUL, adj. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.

LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

LONGEVITY, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

LIBERTY, n. One of Imagination’s most precious possessions.

LEARNING, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

With Halloween approaching, what better time to get back to our highlights from The Devil’s Dictionary? If I’m not mistaken, we left off at the letter “H”.

Ignoramus, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

Immigrant, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

Impartial, adj. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions.

Impunity, n. Wealth.

Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, “Heaven lies about us.” The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

Insurance, n. An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

Intimacy, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

Justice, n. A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

The remnants of Halley’s Comet make for a pretty good show every October. Here are some quick facts about “shooting stars” in their honor:

The rate of meteorites hitting humans is .0055 per year, or once time every 180 years.

Meteors enter the Earth’s atmosphere at speeds as high as 130,000 miles per hour.

The International Space Station is expected to be hit with an estimated 100,000 meteoroids during its planned 20-year life span.

Estimates of the mass of material meteoric material that falls on Earth each year range from 37,000-78,000 tons.