On being ourselves:

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.
-Dalai Lama

Each morning when I awake, I experience again a supreme pleasure – that of being Salvador Dali.
-Salvador Dali

On acceptance:

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
-Dalai Lama

Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.
-Salvador Dali

A Teabagger, Union Member and a CEO are sitting at a table with a dozen cookies. The CEO immediately takes 11 cookies for himself. The CEO then turns to the teabagger and says, “Watch out for that union guy he wants part of your cookie.”

Alfred Hitchcock said a lot of clever things. So many that today’s “two fer” is a “three fer”:

When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, ‘It’s in the script.’ If he says, ‘But what’s my motivation?, ‘ I say, ‘Your salary.’
Alfred Hitchcock

Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn’t change people’s habits. It just kept them inside the house.
Alfred Hitchcock

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Alfred Hitchcock

Mr T rarely gets acknowledged for his inspiring acts and words of wisdom. Let’s fix that. Today belongs to Mr. T, and I pity the fool that don’t agree. I mean, Mr T knocked out Rocky! Face it. The only reason he lost the final fight was because Sylvester Stallone wrote the script! Mr T was just doin’ his job. Which is why he said:

No, I don’t hate Balboa. I pity the fool.

He also said:

When I was growing up, my family was so poor we couldn’t afford to pay attention.

And he’s mindful of the importance of womanhood:

When you see me now, I’m nothing but a big overgrown tough mama’s boy. And I speak that with glee because the problem with society is we don’t have enough mama’s boys.

And makes astute social observations:

See, if I come into a black neighborhood and say, “Thanks for watching my show,” and give out high fives and all that, I’m not doing no good. I go out and see a kid grabbing his crotch. Ain’t nobody telling them that. Where do they get it from? They watch MTV. I say, “If you wash up more often, you won’t have to grab your crotch.” I’m telling these guys, “Why you gotta grab your crotch?” Then you see Michael Jackson grabbing his crotch 50 times. What’s with him?

And don’t forget, he beat cancer. How? He’s Mr T! And after he kicks its butt he says:

For 5 years Mr. T disappeared. Fools went unpitied and Jibba-Jabba went unchallenged!

And only Mr T could make a Snickers commercial that says:

Quit yo Jibber-jabber! You ain’t hurt, yo pathetic!, Argh! If I ever catch you acting like a crazy fool again, you’re gonna meet my friend pain! Snickers, get some nuts!

We were licked after rounding up these facts about the human tongue.

Stamp out that weight problem:
Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

Don’t commit crimes by mail though:
Every person has a unique tongue print.

Besides, there are more rewarding uses:
You burn 26 calories in a one-minute kiss.

There are said to be five basic tastes:
Sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and umami.

You wouldn’t know it given the poor taste many people exhibit:
The average person has about 10,000 taste buds.

But do they grow back?
The average life of a taste bud is 10 days.

Hit or Myth?
The tongue is not the strongest muscle in the body by any measure. The jaw muscle is the strongest due to simple mechanics, since it’s attached to the jaw forming a lever.  The quadriceps and gluteus maximus have the highest concentration of striated muscle fibers, and the heart is the strongest muscle in terms of endurance.

Thanks to the insane ramblings of a Libyan dictator drunk on power, and an American actor drunk on – well, we don’t know WHAT he’s drunk on – there’s a popular new game called “Sheen or Gaddafi”. Let’s play. Can you tell who said what?

1.) I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists

2.) Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body

3.) These resentments, they are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre

Answers:
Amazingly, all three of these crazy remarks were made by Actor Charlie Sheen

Isaac Asimov often seemed prophetic with things he said. Like…

Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge”.
-Isaac Asimov

Or maybe he’d just never had a chat with Winston Churchill:

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
-Winston Churchill

No, that’s not a typo. It’s how I thought the phrase went as a kid. As you probably know, “Beware the Ides of March” was a fortune teller’s warning to Caesar in a Shakespeare play. In the arrogance typical of political leaders, Caesar ran into the fortune teller on March 15, and snarkily said “The ides of March are come”, pointing out that he was still alive. To  which she replied “Ay, Caesar; but not gone”. And then of course Brutus – the son of Caesar’s gal from an extramarital affair – helped whack him later that day. Showing that you really can’t trust ANYONE. It’s interesting how especially when it comes to politics, you can take nearly identical phrases and make them mean competely different things.

If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country.
-E. M. Forster

In politics it is necessary either to betray one’s country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate.
-Charles de Gaulle

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
-Mark Twain?

We know, we talked about pests last week. But we’re back to bug you again, explaining things like why it’s hard for a Praying Mantis to get a head in life.

A cockroach will live nine days without it’s head, before it starves to death.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.

The African cicada fly spends 17 years sleeping, then wakes up for two weeks, mates and then dies.

The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.